What follows is my original mission statement / description of this blog, written back in 2017. While it’s still a delightful read, my writing and its focus have shifted. You can read the updated version here.
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First thing’s first: the “agnostic gospel” is not a thing.
You might be thinking about the Gnostic Gospels, which is a thing, but that’s not this thing. This thing is blog, and it’s a blog that needed a title with unique branding that appealed to people like me. That’s the thing with marketing! And here’s the thing with me.
I was raised in a fundamentalist evangelical church. I was raised to be terrified of the world outside that church. I would eventually leave that church anyway, and — after some worrisome wilderness-wandering — leave all forms of fundamentalism behind with it. Thus began my inherent skepticism of all institutions.
And so, I relished in the youth of my twenties as a “post-christian epicurean pragmatist” (that’s not a thing, either, but it is made up from real things). But there was still just one last remnant of religion that I couldn’t seem to leave behind: shame.
Shame is no stranger to those of us who left the fold, but few other than us know how crippling it can become. For me, it meant the constant and agonizing sense that I was fundamentally evil and bound for a hell I didn’t even believe in. Whenever I would try to share my life, my art, or my voice, this shame pushed me back into hiding.
Then, in the historically shitty epoch of 2016, something wonderful happened: I turned 32 and, just two years later than the Christ himself, found my calling.
In that year of incessant political bickering, intense religious hatred, and immense violence — that year of the great bubbling-up of communities and walling-off of our shared humanity — I found myself desperately trying to pull people together. And with some irony, I realized I needed to play the role of a minister.
Now, I’m not exactly sure how to do that. I have no church, and I loathe setting foot in them. I have no religion, and don’t have a desire to create one. I don’t like calling myself a thing, because the last time I tried to call myself a thing it was post-christian epicurean pragmatist and that’s pretentious as fuck. Also, I say fuck a lot.
But if nothing else, I’ve retained my faith in faith itself: the great underminer of all things orthodox, and opener-up of all things Other. That nuanced sort of faith, without religion, becomes an absurd endeavor of love.
I learned that faith from the church. I’m grateful for it. And now, I’m taking it with me — and enriching it with perspectives I’ve gained from art, philosophy, and other people. Sarte claimed that was hell; I’m thinking he had it backward.
The best prayer I ever heard? “In this room filled with people who, no doubt, have a radically different understanding of the divine, let us take a moment to hold hands and acknowledge that we are here, together, and that we are grateful” (it was from a female Unitarian officiant at a gay wedding… I cried a lot).
If nothing else, I think what we claim to know tears us apart, and what we don’t know pulls us together. So, I suppose you can call me an agnostic.
But as for the gospel…?
I don’t know, but since I’ve been a self-employed creative professional for over a decade, I’ll go ahead and get things started. I know I can write, so I’ll write more of these sermon/confessionals.
I know I can sing and play piano, so I’ll make more post-gospel music (agnostic gospel? eh? eh?), which I’ll incrementally release, here and under the moniker of Genuine Joy.
I hope that this helps bring us back together. And, if it helps no one else, well, hell… at least it saved me.
Very excited about this.
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Awesome.
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Thanks for doing this. I am among the many who can fully identify with the evangelical upbringing, the shame that came from it, and the skepticism that inhabits the journey moving forward. I’m slowly beginning to share this about myself with friends and family and its liberating and terrifying. I worry the most difficult conversation will be with my parents, so I’m approaching that one with more timidity; but the conversations I’ve had with friends and other family have been helpful for me and them. I think it’s helped us move towards an understanding of each other, no matter whether there is agreement on topics. I’m excited to keep reading this.
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You’re not alone! Thanks for sharing your story, there’s a whole world of us out there that feel better for it. I’m working on another family related post that may help you, hopefully will have it ready soon — but you may find one existing post useful, “To Faithful Friends and Family”: https://theagnosticgospel.com/2017/02/02/to-faithful-friends-and-family/
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Oh boy, let the learning begin. Interested to hear what you bring to this page, Josh
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I’m glad to have stumbled across this. I’m a fan of your band and got here via your Instagram. I’m 31 and in the last year of my life I’ve been missing the spirituality of being a Christian. Going to church and having a relationship with Jesus was a huuuuuge part of me growing up. I stopped believeing in God and religion around 19. Since then, Ive realized I respect faith but not dogma. I don’t trust those who claim to know exactly what and who God is, but I don’t fault them for wanting to know and thinking they found the answer. Faith is beautiful. It is what makes us human. Anyways, my mind has been on this subject a lot lately and I’m excited to read your thoughts and experiences on this. Thank you for doing this, it helps me figure who I am as a former Christian.
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Thanks for visiting, Seth. There are so many of us out there with similar backgrounds — based on the info you gave, my history seems nearly identical to yours. I’m hoping to share a little more of my thoughts with a little more volume, mostly just to let everyone know they’re not alone and to help foster more discussions that, as you say, help us figure out who we are now.
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