NOTE: It’s been years since I first posted, and my journey is still very much ongoing! As such, I’ve decided to update this page to briefly reflect on where we’ve been and what’s to come. You can read the original mission statement of this site here.
During a time of a great division, I started this blog to encourage others to ask hard questions about their firmly held beliefs. I coined the term Agnostic Gospel to suggest that, ironically, recognizing what we do not actually know can lead us to a greater sense of faith. In my journey, asking such questions has opened my mind and my heart to others, restoring my inner sense of spirituality and reconnecting me to something divine.
I wrote to help others see the ways history and power have changed their cultures and religions over time. I wrote to challenge authoritarian ideas that were falsely stated to have always been true. I wrote to help others follow their own intuition, to see how honest questions — often dismissed as doubts — could enrich their experience in life. Above all else, I wrote in an attempt to connect to others.
Many readers felt empowered by this, feeling seen and heard in ways they had previously been dismissed or chastised. Other readers felt attacked — which makes sense, considering how defensive we’ve been taught to be about our fundamental beliefs. Still others felt confused, thinking I was here to mock and bash religion and spirituality. In reality, I am simply here to say I DON’T KNOW, and show why that is beautiful.
Over the six years this blog has been active, more communities have emerged to support this process of questioning (now more commonly called deconstruction). Podcasts like The Liturgists and Exvangelical have been helpful to many sorting out their faith, fostering a safe space for honest seekers once dismissed as exiles. As other such communities grow, I have decided to shift my focus and make this blog a little more personal. Simply put, the Agnostic Gospel is now becoming the story of my life:
I process feeling through MUSIC above all else, so I’ll be sharing songs, videos, creative writing and collaborations from my project Genuine Joy.
I have a profound sense of SPIRITUALITY, so I’ll be sharing more about the ways it has empowered my life — through many diverse traditions, religious and otherwise.
I’ve sought radical HEALING for my body and mind against an unbeatable condition, so I’ll be sharing techniques and practices I have found to be most restorative.
Finally, I find it important to note that I will be doing all of this with a difficult diagnosis hanging over my head. In 2019, months before the pandemic, I was diagnosed with Glioblastoma (a stage IV brain cancer). My prognosis was 2-5 years, 3 of which have now passed. For the time being, I’m still here.
Western medicine knows of no cause and no real cure, and apologizes. I choose instead to remain open and surrender to the great unknowing. There have been miraculous and long-term survivors, against all odds, through diverse methods and means. I am deeply encouraged by their stories, and inspired by the ways they fought against what they were told was certain.
I must also admit that the diagnosis comes with a great deal of uncertainty: only a precious few survive. So, how long will my time be on this earth? What can I make of it, with with no future guaranteed? How do I live a good and fulfilling life in the limited time I have? What must faith become, in the face of death — if not to survive, then simply to thrive?
Luckily, these are the questions I have been asking my whole life… and for however long I’m here, I’m going to keep asking! I will continue to open my vulnerable heart and show love to others. I will keep seeking the truth of my experience, sharing and celebrating whatever my journey brings.
This is my story, my life unknowing. This is the evolution of my faith.
This is my Agnostic Gospel.
If you’d like to support my healing journey, please donate here.